I have very recently received three communications from clients that caused a “zing” of hurt felt deep inside.

I noticed and began to consider why I reacted to clients’ saying something like, ” My what a wonderful job you do and what interesting information you shared, and how supported and encouraged I felt when you spent all that time with me/us. And now, we have made an entirely different decision about our parent and so thank you and good bye.” Ouch. That a much different decision about a plan was made is not the painful part. (It is important that families feel empowered to make decisions about which they are confident.) It is painful when the announcement is made so casually and matter of factly.

I think the answer to why is that families don’t fully appreciate that what can make a difference between an adequate service and an excellent service is heart and emotional investment on the part of the provider.

During the past 15 years I have had many opportunities to meet with bright and enthusiastic young professionals as well as folks who are excited about a second career who have heard of eldercare management or seen me at work and who decide that it looks fun, interesting, or is a career of the future because of our aging population. “I want to do what you do”, they say. “How can I get started?”

The fact of the matter is, the best eldercare advising and care management are borne from years of living and experience, years of education in a medically related field, familiarity with a community, and a passion for and understanding of family systems, relationships, and the normal aging process. A passion that recognizes that each client is unique and special, requiring and deserving customized and personalized attention and that his family is an integral part of the process is a essential element. Sensitivity to feelings and emotions, the sometimes painful struggles of family that had their origins decades ago, and a longing to provide a way to improve things is a requisite of this profession.

Continuing education, not because it is required to maintain a license, but because of an insatiable desire to know more, to understand more, so a better job can be done to really help client families is an important part of the excellent provider’s life.

Continued and intentional personal growth in order to stay centered and clear about ethical standards and professional priorities is another key to excellence.

And then, there is emotional energy and investment. Ah. There is a dangerous arena, right? Well defined boundaries become essential to the care manager’s emotional and mental health and her ability to serve her clients optimally. And of course, this is the area that is most closely related to the “zing” of hurt feelings I mentioned in the first paragraph. So. This is the occupational hazard of the best of care managers. And it is one we gladly continue to manage so we can be available to do our soul’s work for elders and their families.