Below are some books that have been valuable to our clients and their families.
Contented Dementia Oliver James
My Mother Your Mother, Embracing “Slow Medicine”. The Compassionate Approach to Caring for Your Aging Loved Ones. Dennis McCullough. MD
Another Country, Navigating the Emotional Terrain of Our Elders Mary Pipher
What Are Old People For? William H. Thomas
Learning to Speak Alzheimer’s Joanne Koenig Coste
How to Say it to Seniors David Solie
Our brand of care management and advocacy……
Families become involved with Consultants for Aging Families in a variety of ways. Nearly always there are significant worries and stressors that impact relationships and life quality for both parent and adult child generations. Children who have elder parents don’t want to see them grow older and slower. No one wants to see a beloved someone sick or in pain. A family’s first impulse is “We have to help!! We have to fix it!” Of course that is a natural reaction.
Even families’ ways of “fixing” things are all different, depending on how they were raised, current life circumstances and competing responsibilities, the quality of relationship with siblings and parents. Each family is unique. And each individual in a family is just that: an individual with his own biases, previously unmet needs, ways of approaching a problem/task.
Elder parents are usually at the center of a family’s concern. Sometimes families have been closely involved and know what mom and dad have for breakfast each day. Sometimes families talk with the folks once or twice a month and when dad says “Oh, we’re gettin’ along just fine! Don’t worry about us!”, he is taken at his word. Then comes the call in the night of a hospitalization, a fall, with a report from neighbors that many have worried for a long time!
However an aging family comes to a professional care manager for assistance, guidance, and support, it is usually an excellent move. Knowledgeable and experienced certified professional geriatric care managers can smooth the process of shoring up health care, environmental, and social networks so needs are met and life becomes less stressful and difficult.
At Consultants for Aging Families our knowledge of family systems, adult development and aging and geriatric nursing combine to provide a comprehensive “mini course” for the family and elders about how to understand each other, what options make the most sense, how to make medical decisions in concert with trusted physicians, and how to get the most out of life in the final chapter. The outcome of initial discussions may not be what each family member thinks is best. It MUST be, however, what is in the elder’s best interests balanced with HIS wishes and preferences. Adults as well as children learn and many times we continue to learn by our mistakes. If we can understand the possible ramifications of our decisions, and our decisions will not bring harm to others. We should have the right to make those decisions.
And so, while we at Consultants for Aging Families support and assist the family, our primary client is the elder parent. We advocate for an elder’s right to live as he wishes, as comfortably and well as possible. If we can come up with a plan that satisfies everyone, we are very pleased indeed!
Nancy McCambridge Driskill. RN, MS, CMC
March 2011
We have moved our office and now have a new address and fax number:
Consultants for Aging Families, LLC
P.O. Box 271882
Fort Collins, CO 80527 Fax: (970) 207-1183
Our phone number (970) 498-0730 remains unchanged, as does our passion and energy for assisting families and elders to embrace this time in their lives with a sense of fulfillment and completion.
It is never too late to change the way we look at growing older and wiser. It is never too late to learn how to enhance relationships and find the family connections we crave. Embracing change is part and parcel of healthy growth and development (otherwise known as “aging”). Each of us has a choice about how we wish to spend the rest of our lives. Of course, the road ahead we can’t clearly see will present sudden curves and pot-holes to be either endured or avoided. One can’t predict everything, nor can one be prepared for every contingency. This is true no matter how smart we are and how hard we try.
What one can do, however, is learn for once and for all, that we do have choices. Avoiding risk is avoiding action. (I think someone famous said that or something like that!) When families and elders fail to take risks to do what THEY want because some professional someone gives a one dimensional direction, they DO make a choice. Any choice bears consequences. Isn’t it better to make the choice of one’s own heart and deal with consequences positive or negative, than to be pushed into a choice of someone else…..only to deal with the disappointing results?
Our health care and elder care system has become standardized and regulated. The goals of standardization and regulation are laudable. And each time a new regulation is adopted to protect someone’s interests and each time an inviting social experiment becomes the standard, we are constrained and limited. Our freedom of choice and our autonomy are threatened and we become, as a colleague said recently, “just a rider on the bus.”
If you want to live in a luxurious, or even a more modest, senior community, go for it! Just know exactly what you are getting into. The process is analogous to buying a car, an appliance or a home…..The consumer weighs the pro’s and the con’s and then decides based on the available and accurate data. In making the decision, one also accepts the accompanying consequences, good or not so good. But don’t be afraid to think outside the box and do something different! Get the facts and move forward with anticipation of good things yet unknown!
It has occurred to me that I inhabit a professional world full of apparently impossible problems, challenges, and (one of our faves!) issues.
The ISSUES of aging receive a huge amount of attention from social workers, therapists, nurses, counselors and organizations whose existence depends on the fact that issues exist and demand attention.
In my professional world attention is on unmet need, preventing injury, insulating against unhappiness, and providing for every circumstance. The efforts are governed by regulation after regulation. Each year there are more hoops to jump through and more rules to follow.
The riches of elderhood, the advantages and gifts are rarely showcased aside from the opportunities and activities designed for healthy elder bodies and minds who fit into the “box” of a younger professional generation’s design.
There is something important missing.
Dr. William Thomas’s book What Are Old People For? grabs my attention, for he is one of the comparatively few individuals who addresses clearly and unapologetically the blessings and advantages of growing into elderhood.
I long for the day when growing older becomes accepted as a significant, meaningful and remarkable part of the lifespan; as significant as toddlerhood, the teen years, the time of marriage and raising families, the period of higher education and career development.
The time between 60 years old and 90+ (30 years!) are ours to be lived and shared and celebrated daily, not just on birthdays or anniversaries. The day that we honor our own experience and wisdom and seek ways to share it with our families is the day we truly come into ourselves and begin living a life of legacy and significance.
This is living. This kind of living allows for the grace and wisdom to accept what cannot be changed and be hopeful and purposeful about what changes are in our power to effect.
Nancy McCambridge Driskill
December 2010
We strive to empower families as they manage the responsibilities around aging parents and changing family roles and expectations. With emotional support and comprehensive, accurate information about choices and services, the families we touch have an opportunity to improve the family situation and ensure optimal quality of life for all involved.
We provide a short term intervention that supplies the family with the necessary tools to resolve the stress of their situation. CFAF establishes a trusting relationship with families and is available for on-going support if necessary and additional contacts in the future as the family situation changes over time. Consultants for Aging Families has been in existence since 1995 serving Larimer county and surrounding communities.
We are licensed professional nurses providing comprehensive expertise and service.
CFAF ♦ PO Box 271882 Fort Collins, CO 80527 ♦ (970) 498-0730 ♦ Fax (970) 207-1183 ♦ Site by LucidTmedia.
